the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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