he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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