Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
