I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
