Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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