I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
