Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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