Are we in a gay sports bar?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
