Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
