Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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