sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
