i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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