and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
