Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
