Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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