Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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