dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
