girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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