there's paper in my vomit.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
