I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
