Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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