Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You made out with two different species that night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
