My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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