i don't like sucking hair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
