new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
