Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
