Cold hands, warm shart.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize