put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think my moral compass just broke
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