hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
