It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
