he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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