I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
