I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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