We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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