Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
