You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
