my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
