Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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