we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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