Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
