I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
