Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
