at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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