Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
