Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We got so high we made milksteak
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
