cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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