Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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