Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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