Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
