it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
