11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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