i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
