areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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