wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
