dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
