Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
