I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
