My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
