Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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