What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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