the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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