How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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