i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
