She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
